What a long day (my first day at BigLaw Firm).  Looooong day.  What seemed to be a promising day this morning  (Two words:  Lance.  Armstrong.) quickly deteriorated to this:

New Employee from Ivy League School ("NEFILS"):  "My race is not on this form!  There is no box for me to check!"
Human Resources Helper:  "What is your heritage?"
NEFILS:  "Middle Eastern!"
Me:  "From what country?"
NEFILS: "Egypt!"
Me:  "I have news for you.  You are North African."  I want to tell him, "You are Cushite or Berber or Nubian or Coptic or something else, but not Middle-Eastern.  Get yourself a Kingfisher History of the World." [eyes roll]


Ridiculously Enthusiastic Laughing Girl Employee from Miami and Ivy League School ("RELGEFMAILS"):  [directly in front of HR Helper] "Oh, hah hah hah!  After my three-month evaluation, I am sooo back on the beach in Miami!!!!  I will just CALL IN SICK!!!"
[then she and girlfriend sitting next to her proceed to chat and giggle for 1/2 hour]
RELGEFMAILS:   "We're roommates!  And we went to the same Ivy undergrad together! hah hah hah! My feet are so bony!"


One new legal support employee who attended a non-Ivy undergrad is suddenly asking about not one, not two, but three hypothetical examples in which his timesheet hours (called a "diary" at the firm) might not be turned in on time.  Each time he asks a hypothetical, he finishes with, "Will I get paid?"

I am thinking:  You guys.  You get medical and dental and life insurance today.  Those are Day-One benefits.  Free coffee on every floor.  Beds and showers in the offices.  You get car service home after 8 pm. Gym membership at Equinox (the top NYC gym) is almost free (about $30 annually instead of $1,200 anually) if you go at least 3 times a week. And in-house check cashing.  People!  Stop acting like ungrateful spoiled and stupid dorks!
This is what I have to look forward to.  Working with the bright, young, promising minds of this country that are inevitably going to pot. 

I also spilled and dropped a lot of things today.  I dropped my work jacket/blazer that I was carrying with my purse, on to the sidewalk on the way to the train.  My only good work jacket is now lost.  I spilled coffee at the firm.  I spilled soda at the firm.  I dropped papers at the firm.

Sorry about these past two trippy posts.  Feels very Willy Wonka on the boat to the Inventing Room, eh? (I have always thought that scene ranks right up there with clowns on the Scary Meter). 

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