Princess Ennui, this is for you.

There is another reason why I was a bit vulnerable, emotionally, yesterday.

My Dream Job called me back for more interviews, and perhaps my elation began to show at work.

And Thursday evening, I did some exercises in Finding Your Own North Star, by Martha Beck (I don't normally "do" self-help books but this one was recommended by a very successful friend of mine). The exercise on page 122 asked the following: List three things you plan to do tomorrow. I was supposed to be open to my somatic reaction to whatever I listed. These exercises are meant to be private, but I listed these --

1. Fill out Alex's applications for school entry.

2. Take the day off from work tomorrow?

3. Go to work tomorrow.

After No. 1, I was fine. The second option produced the most "light" feeling. No I.D. to face the next day, I was totally relaxed. The last one had my back go into terrible spasms; something I was beginning to notice was actually an everyday thing. Then I spasmed some more. Then I got a fever. And chills. And I felt like I wanted to puke.

I can't go to work tomorrow like this, can I? My innermost fear was, I was going to lose my job if I did not show up. I was so certain Insanely Disloyal would can me if I didn't.

Friday morning, I gauged how I felt. I was too sick to copy edit, too sick to copy write, too sick to go to work and sit in that chair and work for Insanely Disloyal. So, for the first time in four months, I called in sick. And I received a call back. Don't bother returning.

I knew it!

A few hours later, I received another call. "So are you coming?" My documentary film friends who were interviewing that guy asked why on Earth would I miss the interview that I helped set up? They were right. As sick as I was, I myself didn't have to do a thing but watch. So after three hours of daytime napping, I got myself over to the Bowery. I felt much better.

And while I.D. didn't allow me to return to my desk and get my stuff off my PC desktop, there does remain something to remind her of me. It is a note which a manager scribbled to me a couple of weeks ago. It reads: "YOU RULE!!!"

Tomorrow, I interview with Dream Job.