Waiting for Guidance-ot

Elements of this dialogue were not taken from Waiting for Godot, really...

An urban household. A phone.

LaMai, sitting on a low chair, is trying to make a phone call. She is using both hands to dial and place the call.

Me: Hello. My name is LaMai and I am inquiring about-
DOE Guidance Counselor: irritably Do you mind if I put you on hold?
Me: feebly Ah, sure, no problem.

[Me on hold for three minutes]

DOEGC: Hi. What did you need?
Me: with exagerrated enthusiasm Hi. I was inquiring about getting my son his Metrocard. He is a student receiving home instruction and we just submitted our forms-
DOEGC: coldly Excuse me. Home Instruction or Home Schooling?
Me: Home Schooling.
DOEGC: What is your child's name?
Me: Alexander the Conqueror.
DOEGC: Oh, that would not be me, that would be the other Guidance Counselor.
Me: Yes, I am aware, but for the past few days he has not picked up his phone nor returned my e-mails regarding the Metrocard. Can you help us?
DOEGC: I can. But what time can you get here?
Me: 2 p.m.
DOEGC: Thing is, see, the other guy has the Metrocard list.
Me: The Metrocard list.
DOEGC: Yes. If I give one to you, and you already have one, the Department will be very upset with me. They want me to check the list. They have rules.
Me: I see. But if you remember, we only just started speaking to you two-and-a half weeks ago. I think if we had a month-long Metrocard-
DOEGC: Oh, no no NO! They're good until June!
Me: Well, if you will follow the logical conclusion here, we've just initiated contact with you two and some weeks ago. We have not heard back from your co-worker, which you acknowledge is possible. And our inquiries include our obtaining a DOE-issued Metrocard, which we do not have. So, could we pick one up?
DOEGC: Why not wait until he gets here tomorrow? He has the list. Because you might already have one...
Me: The list. She broods, musing on the struggle for the List.
DOEGC: Yes. The Department will be very upset if they find out you already have one.
Me: I guess there's nothing to be done. I will wait until he returns.


NYCitymomx3 said...


I can't believe these people. Wait til you go down there to pick up the Metrocard and see what it's like. **insert evil laugh**.

Anonymous said...

Really, really nasty aspect of modern life: every one assumes you are a thief, and we are supposed to be polite about it... Jama