Beowulf: A reading.

A very, very late night reading...

"He told what he'd heard repeated in songs about Sigemund's exploits,
all of those many feats and marvels,
the struggles and wanderings of Waels's son,
things unknown to anyone except to Fitela, feuds and foul doings..."

Who is Fitela? Who? Who? Who? Why don't we know about Fitela? It's like Marmite and Vegemite, mom. Only it is like Nutella. Or Nutella for Vikings. Yeah, Viking Nutella. Hah, hah. With a sword coming out of the Nutella/Fitela like the Lady of the Lake...

"...that his sword plunged
right through those radiant scales
and drove into the wall. The dragon died of it.
His daring had given him total possession
of the treasure hoard, his to dispose of
however he liked. He loaded a boat:
Wael's son weighted her hold
with dazzling spoils. The hot dragon melted."

Wael sounds Jewish. Or Arabic. Oh, and what about the leaf and lemon? It's a lulav and etrog. OK. But it's a leaf and a lemon. What's up with the leaf and lemon? We use those things for Sukkot. A leaf and lemon? Lulav and etrog, A.

"Meanwhile, the Danes kept racing their mounts
down sandy lanes. The light of day
broke and kept brightening. Bands of retainers
galloped in excitement to the gabled hall"

[M does clop, clop, clop on the floor] We definitely need the "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" coconuts to make the correct sound.

"Beowulf, son of Ecgtheow, spoke:"

Ec-theee-ow, the ek-zen-o who came from a toast family... [A narrates Beowulf as "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"]

[Maitresse attempts to sound like Russell Crowe, for the sheer manliness of this passage]:

"We have gone through with a glorious endeavour
and been much favoured in this fight we dared
against the unknown. Nevertheless,
if you could have seen the monster himself
where he lay beaten, I would have been better pleased.
My plan was to POUNCE, PIN HIM DOWN
in a TIGHT GRIP and GRAPPLE HIM TO DEATH-
have him PANTING FOR LIFE-"

HAH HAH HAH HAH!!!

What's so funny?

You sound like Steve Irwin!